Hackademia!
A YouTube user named Herman was kind enough to let me know I was mentioned in a lecture at Yale, or as he puts is, “sort of.” Continue reading
The song of the (or maybe just my) summer
Humbly submitted for consideration as your song of the summer: my new song One Plus One.
Many thanks to Steve Rosenthal and Peggy O’Brien who helped me shoot the video at legendary Coney Island here in Brooklyn.
Here are the lyrics:
Songs of the summer share a common trait
The music’s catchy but the lyrics aren’t so great
They sing of simple crushes, partying, and such
Something that’s so easy you don’t have to think too much
One plus one, baby
How do you spell “car”
What day is it, honey
Tell me how old you are
One plus one, One plus One
Driving with the windows down
makes a lot of noise
So you need lyrics that
are easy to enjoy
Nothing that’s too heavy
that could cause a big discussion
Treat the people like they just
suffered a concussion
One plus one, how many
fingers do you see?
Follow the light, baby
Tell me the day of the week
Turn up your radio,
your smartphone or whatever
I’d make a joke but
but it doesn’t pay to be clever
One plus one
One plus one, baby
Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?
Don’t think too much
Just hum along to the tune
One plus one, baby
When’s the Fourth of July?
Tell me Oprah’s first name
What color is the sky?
One plus one, one plus one
May DFTM Wrap-Up
There was another nice crowd on hand for last weekend’s Don’t Feed the Musicians!, which featured the very funny River Clegg, the very musical Nick Nace, and the very musically funny Mark Douglas from Key of Awesome on the YouTubes. The new show time of 7:30 worked seamfully (I thought it was at 8 but got there early enough to start on time) and the audience got to sing along to Mark’s Reggae Shark and my new stadium song for losing teams.
There was even a surprise for me before the show in the form of a mysterious envelope addressed to me in care of QED. Would it be anthrax? A paternity suit? The Columbia House Record and Tape Club tracking me down to try to win me back? It turned out to be a surprise $100 grant given to the show from a foundation named after Nazheda von Meck, who was (according to Wikipedia) a 19th Century Russian patron of the arts. Adding to the mystery was a very dubious return address in Belleville, NY with the zip code 00867-5309, or, without the zeros: 8675309, à la Tommy Tutone’s hit song from 1982.
Whoever my mystery benefactor is, thank you very much! It will help me give a few bucks for cab fare to the musicians who have to schlep instruments to the show. It’s also lovely to know that people appreciate the show, which I’ve been doing monthly now since November and have been really enjoying. QED and folks in Astoria have been very supportive.
Look for Don’t Feed the Musicians! again on June 20, with new guests and more musical surprises!
What’s in Tampa?–demo from my musical
Here’s a demo of a song from the musical I’m writing. In this song the lead character is contemplating his fate on an involuntary bus trip relocating him to Tampa, FL. Continue reading
Genesee Theater, October 3!
The Genesee Theater in my hometown of Waukegan, Illinois has been beautifully restored and has been back hosting national and international acts for over a decade, and yours truly has the great honor of headlining a comedy night there on October 3. I’ll be turning in a 45-minute set preceded by Sean Flannery, Ariana Freeman, and hosted by Kelsie Huff.
When I was growing up in Waukegan the theater was kind of run down but still open mostly for movies, by the time I was in junior high it was closed except for an occasional event, but it eventually closed completely. There had been different attempts and plans to refurbish it and I had always hoped they would succeed. Finally, the City of Waukegan bought the building and many volunteers gave their time and money to restore it, and they did an amazing job. It is a beautiful venue and an amazing place to see a show.
I am eagerly anticipating this show and am going to do everything I can to pack the place and make sure it’s a night to remember for everyone. If you’re in the Chicago or Milwaukee areas (Waukegan is about halfway between the two) make plans to come to downtown Waukegan for the show. You won’t be disappointed.
Saturday, October 3
Awakenings Comedy Show
The Genesee Theater
203 N. Genesee St.
Waukegan, IL 60085
[Oof, Who Charted?] Summer—Calvin Harris
Get out your glow sticks, we’re talking about EDM! I don’t want to say that dance music is repetitive, but I don’t want to say dance music is repetitive.
I also don’t want to say dance music is repetitive but (quieter now) I don’t want to say dance music is repetitive. (Bass Drop!) I don’t want…
Well, you get it. And it doesn’t even feel that contemporary to me. The “rave knave” keyboard sounds, the saw wave synth leads, are all very cheesy 80s relics that somehow have survived. All of that could be forgiven if it weren’t so dang repetitive. Did I mention how repetitive it is?
Electronic sounding music can be done very well. Mark Mothersbaugh’s soundtrack for the Lego Movie is amazing and shows how good music can be when you have an actual musician/composer working the dials of all of the electronic gizmos. But when DJs and dance enthusiasts are behind the controls it gets pretty repetitive. Did I mention that?
[Oof, Who Charted?] Break Free—Ariana Grande
Max Martin, the Swedish songwriter who had Britney Spears telling everyone to hit her one more time, continues his tradition of garbled lyrics with Ariana Grande and Zedd’s hit song “Break Free.” In what sounds like a first draft of lyrics complete with phrases that practically say “lyrics to come” we are treated to bad verb conjugations and more.
Remember, these are professional songwriters, they make money doing this. It’s enough to convince you that no one is actually listening.
Gray Area [Style Parody]
The Blurred Lines verdict has generated a lot of editorials and blog posts, and my Pachelbel Rant has even come up in some of the articles and discussion about it. So instead of adding my two cents with another blog or facebook post I decided to do what I do and write a comedy song about it.
It was fun to work on, and I hope you like it. I definitely used a “Got to Give it Up” style beat, with a bassline that’s sort of a mix between several Motown-y tracks. The melody and chord progression deviate from Blurred Lines quite a bit, but there is the root going to the 5th to start the verse, as Blurred Lines does. I mixed in a few other references as well, can you spot the one from the Zombies?
Here are the lyrics and dialogue:
Gray Area
“E’rbody lawyer up.
Have I heard this before?
No, it’s just different enough.
Are you sure?
Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Word!”
When you hear this song you might get the feeling
You’ve heard something before, and you might think I’m stealing
Maybe it’s an accident or my inspiration
We’ll never really know until there’s some litigation
It’s a gray area ‘cause everybody’s blurring the lines
“Musicologist? No, I go to a musichiatrist. They can prescribe drugs.”
If you steal a song it can be a disaster
That’s why you have to pay if you ever use a master
“That’s sampling”
But when you steal the notes that’s called plagiarism
“No, no, no, no!”
And we always argue about when it is or isn’t
It’s a gray area ‘cause everybody’s blurring the lines
“Is that my line?
I thought it was my line?
Who’s line is it anyway?
Brady!”
It’s a gray area surrounding you
It’s a gray area you’re gonna get sued
It’s a gray area things are hard to prove
When can anyone say that they own a groove?
“Mein grooven!”
Stealing a classic song was never my intention
“Are you sure about that?”
But I was high on pills and not paying attention
“That I believe”
And we sang a different tune that everyone was hummin’
It’s not like we were 2 Live Crew singing Pretty Woman
“Oh snap!”
It’s a gray area ‘cause everybody’s blurring the lines
“How many musicians are on the Supreme Court?
I think they have a jug band”
It’s a gray area it sucks to be in it
It’s a gray area I wrote this song in 30 minutes
“Put in more time!”
It’s a gray area we all make deals
Cause even if you win we’re gonna file an appeal
They hired me to rap so I’m just talking
You try to sue me I’ll just start walking
I don’t care, I didn’t write this track
They emailed it to me I drop-boxed it back
It’s the worst 16 you ever heard
If something won’t rhyme I make up words
Pariboo? What’s Pariboo?
Sounds like a pet name made up for yours true
That’s o.k. I’m on a hot streak
This is the 9th track I’m featured on this week
I don’t know if it’s worth all this hysteria
It’s not black and white it’s a big gray area
It’s a gray area vision dreams of passion, baby
It’s a gray area, have I heard that before? Maybe
It’s a gray area where we all live
Is this illegal or just derivative?
“A little from column A, a little from column B”
It’s a gray area nobody has the answer
It’s a gray area I couldn’t afford nude dancers
It’s a gray area and that’s no joke
Next time I rip off something it’s gonna be Baroque
MarsCon ReCap
This weekend I performed for a crowd of Klingons, hobbits, wizards, and several incarnations of Dr. Who; and at the hotel were a full-size remote control K-9 and Dalek, panels on anime, and room parties with Wizard of Oz, 1970s, and The Big Lebowski themes. Hopefully by now you’ve guessed that I was at a sci fi convention. More specifically I was at MarsCon in the Twin Cities, a great fan-run sci fi con with an entire comedy music track curated by Luke Ski and others.
There were fun performances all weekend long with Dr. Demento regulars like Devo Spice, Sponge Awareness Foundation, The Great Luke Ski, TVs Kyle, Carrie Dahlby, Power Salad and many more. I had a great time performing because the crowd at MarsCon really knows and loves comedy music and they enthusiastically support it like no other group.
The themed room parties are a blast too. As you make your way down the hall you can have a shot with a Klingons in their spartan room, a white Russian in The Dude’s Abode while The Big Lebowski plays on a loop, and then a hot chocolate with the Manticon folks dressed as marines from a series of novels by a sci fi writer named David Weber. Up and down the halls are elves, Star Trek officers, anime characters and more.
The creativity of everyone there is one of the things I loved most, fellow performers have podcasts, animated web shows, and music projects; several of the attendees have elabroate costumes that they made themselves, and you even see parents and kids participating in events together.
I even had time for a quick extra-conventional sojourn, taking the Twin Cities’ relatively new Metro light rail to downtown Minneapolis to Nye’s Polonaise, a polka bar that’s been open since the 1950s and sadly will be closing its doors this year. I had a quick bite, listened to a set from The World’s Most Dangerous Polka Band, and then made my way—amongst the throngs coming out of a Timberwolves game—back to the hotel in Bloomington to revel with wood nymphs, steam punks, and various ogres, demons, and off-world types.
I can’t thank the MarsCon folks enough for treating me so well and inviting me to such a fun convention. As the Musical Guest of Honor I was truly honored to be there and very grateful to have been a part of it. If this kind of thing sounds fun to you get in touch with the MarsCon folks and get yourself there in 2016.
Live Online Show March 11!
If you’ve always wanted to see a live show of mine but haven’t been able to travel to New York (or wherever I might be performing) I have a solution!
Carla Ulbrich and I will be doing a live online concert on March 11 directly from RobPRocks headquarters to the internet. The site is Concert Window and for as little as one US dollar you can watch us as we alternate songs, chat in the online forum, take requests, and more! There are even different rewards for tipping, such as digital albums and the like.
Carla has been teaming up with different musicians for a monthly double bill show and they’ve been a lot of fun, I’m looking forward to being a part of it and sending the funny out live directly from Brooklyn. Hope you can check it out 🙂
Wednesday, March 11
9:00 pm EDT (0100 GMT Thursday, March 12)
Rob Paravonian & Carla Ulbrich
Live online!
Concert Window
I’ll be Guest of Honor at MarsCon!
I am really excited to be the Musical Guest of Honor at this year’s MarsCon, a fan-run science fiction and fantasy convention that features an extensive Dementia Music Track. What is Dementia Music, you ask? Comedy, novelty, oddity, and strange music of the kind curated by the great Dr. Demento, who’s syndicated FM radio show was the home of comedy music for decades.
Dr. Demento moved from the FM airwaves to the internet’s data packets and still brings novelty music to his devoted fans every week. I first heard Dr. D’s show when I was in junior high, and the first time one of my songs was played on his show was one of my earliest—and still most cherished—career highlights. Which is why when I say I’m very flattered to be a guest of honor at a convention that brings together his fans and curates music in his spirit you know I mean it.
This year’s lineup of artists is extensive and there will be fun performances all weekend long, including the likes of:
- Sponge Awareness Foundation
- Tony Goldmark
- Carrie Dahlby
- Devo Spice
- Mikey Mason
- Worm Quartet
- The Great Luke Ski
- TVs Kyle
- Power Salad
If you’re a Sci Fi and/or comedy music fan and can get to the Twin Cities area the first weekend in March you should definitely come check out this very grass-roots, fan-run convention. They have a fundraiser over at their site, it’s a DIY fest without any corporate backing so if you’d like to help them out I know it would be greatly appreciated. And they have some great rewards for various levels of support.
I hope to see you in the Twin Cities!
You’re Not the Bossa Me! Next DFTM Feb 21!
I’m very excited to be back at QED Astoria for the next installment of Don’t Feed the Musicians, with special guests:
➢JR Havlan, Emmy-winning writer for the Daily Show with John Stewart, host of Writer’s Bloc podcast, and drummer extraordinaire!
➢Erin and Her Cello, jazz/pop/comedy/blues cellist and songwriter who has performed at Joe’s Pub, BAMCafe, and Rockwood Music Hall
➢Liam McEneaney, from the SXSW-featured concert film Tell Your Friends! The Concert Film!, host of Tell Your Friends! podcast, and A Special Thing Records recording artist.
This month’s episode: You’re Not the Bossa Me!
That’s a lot of entertainment. For just five dollars. Get advance tickets at this link. (last month’s show sold out!)
Don’t Feed the Musicians
Saturday, Feb 21
7:00 pm
QED Astoria
27-16 23rd Ave.
Astoria, NY 11105
[Oof, Who Charted?] Don’t
Ed Sheeren’s song “Don’t” says “Don’t [blank] with my love” but I decided to [blank] a little with the song. Continue reading
[Oof, Who Charted?] Trumpets
I first heard this song at a Key Food grocery store in Brooklyn and I thought maybe one of the manager’s 10-year-old sons was playing a Garageband project he was working on, but no, it was an actual song that’s on the Billboard Hot 100 charts. From it’s empty lyrics to the falsetto singing, to the grating horn loop that’s not in time with the music, this song is an amazing achievement. Enjoy!
Next “Don’t Feed” Saturday Jan 17th
Don’t Feed the Musicians is back! The next installment is Saturday, January 17th at 7pm and features:
- Comedian Jackie Kashian
- Comedy musicians Anna Marquardt
- Violin duo Adam Grannick & Elena Estrin
- and this month’s theme: The Sixth
That’s a lot of entertainment, and the show is still free! Reserve your spot at QED’s website, and spread the word by sharing the facebook event. Hope to see you there!
Andy the Amazon Android!
As you may already know, the song Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer was written as a promotion for the department store Montgomery Ward. I decided it was time to update the tradition of retailer-created Christmas songs so I wrote this. Enjoy!