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Rob’s Blog

Six Strings of Separation

There has been a lot of discussion recently about people who wrongly believe women aren’t funny, but I’d like to take a moment to discuss people who seemingly rightly believe that guitar-playing comedians aren’t funny. I’ve met comedy club bookers, late night show bookers and reviewers whose disdain for any comedian wielding a guitar is openly admitted–which leads me to believe they find nothing wrong with dismissing an entire category of comedians. Below are a few experiences I’ve had, along with a few thoughts on the subject.

Years ago, when I showcased for the booker of a late night talk show, I did a 7-minute set of straight standup–no music, no songs, no guitar. Now why would I do that when playing guitar in my act is what I’m known for, what I’ve been doing for years and what has helped me garner over 10 million hits on one of my YouTube videos? It’s because this particular late night show has a policy of not hiring any guitar playing comedians. I don’t believe this to be an injustice, mind you; after all it’s their show and they can book it however they please. I do, however, think it’s kind of short-sighted that in the realm of comedy–an art form in which the performer is trying to present different ways of looking at the world–one could think it o.k. to cast out an entire style of performing. And the fact that this anti-guitar belief keeps me from doing what I do best kind of pisses me off.

If anti-guitarism just limited t.v. appearances–which in turn limits a comic’s resume, prestige and marketability–it might be tolerable. But this prejudice can directly affect a comedian’s bottom line. There is a chain of comedy clubs in the Midwest, booked out of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, that also has a standing policy of not booking guitar playing comedians. Going on the road is the working comic’s bread and butter and routing is very important. Imagine trying to put a tour together with gigs in Ohio and Illinois on one side and the Dakotas on the other without being able to book anything in Wisconsin or Minnesota. It leads to sleeping in your car between cities or worse, crashing on an ex’s couch in Dubuque.

When speaking with the booker of this chain a few years ago she asked me if I could do a 30 minute set without the guitar. I replied that I in fact could but wondered why she would want me to. When people come to see me they come to see my act. Would she really want me publicizing a show on my mailing list by saying something like “hey fans in Milwaukee, come out to the show tonight to see me do something other than what I’ve made my name doing! Remember when you went to see Semisonic in concert and instead of playing “Closing Time” they acted out A Long Day’s Journey Into Night? It’ll be like that, but there’ll be a 2-drink minimum.”

Disdain for the musically comedic isn’t limited to those who hire comedians, it can be prevalent among those who review comedians as well. I’ve been lucky enough to get some good press over the years, but sometimes even a good review can reveal the anti-guitar streak so many people have. Take for example this review from when I opened for the late, great George Carlin in New Hampshire: “Carlin’s opener, Rob Paravonian, was excellent. Ordinarily the only thing worse than a prop comic is a comic with a guitar. He is a fine musician and singer and his material is clever and presented with good animation and control.”

I very much appreciate this reviewer’s kind words and that he was open enough to my guitaredness to enjoy it, even though he thinks people who do what I do are “worse than prop comics” (we’ll leave the prop comic discussion for another day). But I really wish I didn’t have to win people over just to get back to neutral ground. It sometimes feels like I’ve started a race a few laps behind.

This is what I, and people who do what I do, have to deal with. Many times we are marginalized and not taken seriously in the industry. To be a great comedian you have to write what you know, and as a life-long musician what I know is music. Should I talk about something else because it’s more marketable?

Recently, when various blowhards have spouted off and said women can’t be funny, they were faced with a poop-storm of retribution and long essays about how wrong their beliefs are. But when people say that guitar acts are all hacks, or that comedy performed by someone with a guitar in his or her hands is somehow a level below standing on stage and talking, the most outrage I’ve heard people express is “I guess, but I know one or two that don’t suck.” The point of this essay, my friends, is to say that I know of at least five that don’t suck.

As artists we can only continue to create art we believe in, so, while I will continue to create in other realms (I also write one-act plays and contribute to a sketch group) I’m not going to stop bringing my guitar on stage with me. I believe one day we will be more accepted. Recently Jessica Delfino and others organized the first annual New York Funny Songs festival and it was a big success. Flight of the Conchords introduced comedy music to a new generation of comedy nerds and humor hipsters. And I recently heard that Garfunkel and Oates, a female comedy music duo from L.A., are developing a show for HBO… but that might not help us much because, you know, they’re chicks.

A Few Proposed New Foursquare Badges

In order to keep up with demand, geosocial sites like foursquare need to continually create new badges for their members to earn. Here are a few badges I’d like to propose.

We Should Probably Have a Talk Badge.

We Should Probably Have a Talk BadgeCheck in to 10 bars between the hours of 2am–4am on weeknights and earn the We Should Probably Have a Talk badge. Your family may have given up on your drinking but Foursquare wants to make sure it covers its legal bases by suggesting that you may have a problem.  Now we can’t be held liable for encouraging your incessant drinking!

 

 

I Know Most of My Friends Only Online Badge

I Know Most of My Friends Online BadgeAfter your 5th check in at a Renaissance Faire you unlock the I Know Most of my Friends Only Online Badge. You live in a world of dragons, swordplay and online raiding guilds so bravo for getting out of the house and actually going to an outdoor event. We just wish your gamer friends and twitter crushes could be there with you.

 

 

I have Issues With Food Badge

Checking in to the gym is good, but checking in to a 5 Guys Burgers 2 hours later kind of defeats the purpose. Do so 5 times and earn yourself the I Have Issues With Food badge. Now your online friends will understand why you shake uncontrollably just walking past a Cinnabon.

 

 

I’m Going to Die Alone Badge

It’s Thanksgiving and/or Christmas and for the 3rd year in a row you’ve checked in to a greasy spoon diner. Congratulations, you’ve just unlocked the I’m Going to Die Alone badge. Connect with other people who’ve earned the badge to make one of  those “If we’re not married by 40” pacts to keep the badge’s dire prediction from coming to pass.

 

 

It’s Not Them It’s You Badge

It's Not Them It's You BadgeYou’re on your 25th speed dating check in within a 12 month span which means it’s time to accept the It’s Not Them It’s You Badge. There’s nothing wrong with high standards, and maybe you keep going to these speed dating events just to prove to yourself that no one could possibly deserve the image you have of yourself–we just want to make sure you know that it’s you, not them.

 

These are just a few of the new badges we’re proposing, hope you enjoy them. Let us know if you’d like to see any others!

 

Fave Tweets from 2010

2010 was my first full year of tweeting! There were some fun posts, some road pictures, and hopefully enough jokes to justify hitting the ‘refresh’ button every once in a while.

So, in case you missed them, or you think twitter is annoying (it can be) and you haven’t been following my feed, here are MY FAVORITE TWEETS FROM 2010!


Jan 9
RobPRocks enjoys the fact that whenever WE TV promotes an upcoming show they have to say “tonight, ennui.”

Jan 19
They say everything happens for a reason, and sometimes that reason is to piss you off.

Feb 4
FYI, they’re going to know you’re a Northerner when you ask for one collard green.

Feb 5
My check engine light really needs to be more specific. I checked the engine, it’s there.

Feb 22
I saw a cell tower that had fake branches on it to make it look like a tree. I played along and disguised my phone as a pine cone.

March 11
“Bottle service” is just a nice way of saying “we’re reserving this section for jackasses.”

March 17
The bagpipes are truly awful instruments. I think it’s why people drink so much on St Pat’s.

March 22
I hope we all can at least agree on this: Glenn Beck has been a boon to the chalkboard industry.

May 21
American Apparel is $91 million in debt. What’s that, like two t-shirts?

June 9
She said, “you’re pretty quiet off stage,” to which I replied, “I’m pretty quiet on stage, it’s just that I have a microphone.”

June 25
Local diner put an orange, parking ticket-sized flyer on my car. I taped a thank-you to their window the shape of a health code violation.

July 26 (a fun little game I started that day)
Exit line for Bravo TV’s new massage reality competition: “I’m sorry, you rubbed us the wrong way.”
Exit line for Bravo TV’s new bread baker reality competition : “I’m sorry, your bread did not rise to the occasion.”
Exit line for Bravo TV’s new bartending reality competition: “I’m sorry, we’re going to have to cut you off.”
Exit line for Bravo TV’s new barista reality competition: “I’m sorry, the cafe is for closers.”
Exit line for Bravo TV’s new furniture lacquering reality competition: “I’m sorry, you didn’t finish the job.”

Aug 3
My 1st post-college apartment was very crate & barrel, but only if you use the name literally.

Aug 27
Why are one-trick ponies a bad thing? It’s already a pony AND it knows a trick!

Sep 9
Had to explain to a friend that you don’t just ‘declare’ bankruptcy, there’s actually paperwork involved.

Oct 27
Hollywood horror films have no effect on me. If they really want to scare me they should make the film “Uninsured Abdominal Pain”

Dec 11
You can spell acid wash” without “ass” but you can’t say it.

Dec 18
Hangin with video golfers against my will ‘cuz I thought the sign said “Golden Tee nowhere” instead of “now here.” stupid bad spacing.

Dec 22
The Maya said the world ends in 2012 but they also thought the universe was a turtle so, you know, grain of salt.

© Paravonian