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Christmas Song Instrumentals (Chord Solos)!

Last winter, while I was mostly skipping holiday stuff and taking care of my mom’s house out of state, I started messing around on my guitar trying to put together an instrumental version of Vince Guaraldi’s “Christmas Time is Here,” that classic mellow jazz piece from A Charlie Brown Christmas. By the time it started sounding good it was mid-January so I’d missed my opportunity to share it during the actual holidays 😜  I set the arrangement aside with a mental note to try to post it in time for the holidays this year.

And I remembered to do it! In fact, I enjoyed working on the arrangement so much I attempted 2 more holiday songs: Mel Tormé’s classic, made famous by Nat King Cole, Merry Christmas To You (aka The Christmas Song, aka Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire), and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, the non-jolly Met Me In St. Louis version of which remains my favorite.

And if you’re a guitar player and want tabs of my arrangements, I made some! You can download pdfs of all 3 songs from my store, and if you wouldn’t mind sending me $2 for the effort it would definitely help make my season bright. They’re intermediate level so if you’ve got a little guitar experience and are comfortable reading tabs you should have no problem with them. Heck, you can probably embellish them a little and make them your own! And if you do let me know, I’d love to see what you do with them.

I hope you have a lovely holiday season and if you have a youtube playlist of holiday songs, I think these would fit right in.

And for you gearheads, I’m playing a Gretsch G5622 into Apple Mainstage using the Boutique British Combo amp and the Boutique British 2×12 cabinet miced with a Dynamic 57. There’s a little room reverb using the Space Designer reverb plugin “Diffuse Hall” setting. My audio interface is a MOTU M4 🤓

Two Funny Videos about Economics?

An Economics Duology!

You can’t make fun of American culture without making fun of the way we put commerce above everything. “The business of America is business!” said one of our presidents*. So I’m posting a couple of business-related songs from my recent special as standalone videos, mostly because they turned out really good and I’m proud of them, but also because they compliment each other really well in a one-two punch of satire, digging into some of our underlying cultural beliefs that have formed this culture we’re swimming in .

The Invisible Hand of the Market! 👻

One of those cultural beliefs is found in the metaphor of the invisible hand—the belief that free markets are guided “as if by an invisible hand” to produce the most equitable distribution of goods and wealth and thus the best of all possible worlds. It’s a belief held by those politicians who tell you regulations are the enemy of progress, freedom, and prosperity. They have an unwavering and almost religious belief that if you let people and companies pursue their self interest things will just work out.

When someone tells you “we don’t need laws telling industries not to pollute, the invisible hand of the market is in control!” it sounds less like economic theory and more like there’s a shadowy villain organization like Spectre or Quantum called The Invisible Hand running things.

So that’s why I wrote The Invisible Hand in the style of a James Bond theme song, with amazing video design by Steven Rosenthal.

Corporations Are People Too!

Another odd economic belief we have here in America is that corporations are treated like persons in the eyes of the law. It’s why a company like Hobby Lobby can say they have religious beliefs that allow them to deny birth control coverage in their health care plan. And it’s also how corporations get away with spending billions to support political candidates: their money is considered speech, to which they have a constitutional right because they’re persons!

This idea of corporate personhood gets so ridiculous I had to make fun of it the best way I knew how: with a sunshine pop animated video in the style of Schoolhouse Rock! Character design and illustration are by my good friend and great artist Dan Pavelich (check out his TeePublic store!)

If you want a little more backstory—and more jokes!—on these topics check out the intro monologues in the full special! Or better yet, check out the whole special! There are songs about the Satanic Panic, Henry Ford, 19th Century minstrel shows and how they kind of relate to current laws that try to control the way we teach the history of race in America…

*the full quote is “the chief business of the American people is business,” from Calvin Coolidge, 1925.

Nostalgia! Great for music, terrible for policy!

🎶 Let’s go back to mid-century…” 🎶

Recently something said by a member of Congress from Wisconsin caught my ear because it perfectly exemplified the mentality I make fun of in the opening song of my new comedy special. He said he hoped there was a plan in place for January of 2025 to get the country back to where we were in the 1960s. That would be great if you were a 12-year-old Beatle fan but not great if you were black, a woman, a draft-eligible young man, gay, or someone who would prefer not to ponder nuclear war every day.

But nostalgia is about emotion, not facts; and it’s a mixed emotion. It’s like a sad longing mixed with a dose of comfort. And people can not only feel nostalgia for times in their past (even if those times weren’t always great, like middle school) but can feel nostalgia for times they never lived in or things that never happened. That’s because memory and imagination are intertwined in our brains, using a lot of the same circuitry.

“Were those really the days?”

A common ploy of politicians is to take the emotions triggered by nostalgia and use them to gain support. Fascists have used this tactic over and over.

“We must reclaim our imagined past!”

The trick is to mythologize the past, make people sad that the mythologized past doesn’t exist, blame an out group for destroying that past, and use that stoked anger to rise to power. The Nazis did it by creating a mythologized past of Teutonic greatness and blamed its downfall on Romani, homosexuals, and Jewish people. Currently in the US the GOP blames the loss of a past that never existed on “woke,” which is a handy term that can encompass anything they don’t like. Woke starts by meaning the black community, gay community, trans community, and extends to feminists and people who believe in global warming.

So enjoy the emotions brought on by nostalgia when remembering childhood friends, or maybe fairs and events in your hometown, but be wary when someone tries to use nostalgia to blame a group of people for why things suck. If someone wants your support, ask for specific policy ideas, not feel-good imaginings. And when they say that we need to go back to the way things were, find out who they mean by “we.”

“…or is this just a power play hidden in a nostalgic haze?”

And now, please enjoy the stand-alone music video of “Were Those Really the Days?” an upbeat, Brill Building era tune that plays with the idea of nostalgia and its (ab)use by people seeking power. Or better yet, check out the whole special, The American Songbook: Redacted on YouTube!

Videos from The American Songbook: Redacted!

All the vids in one place!

Since the release of The American Songbook: Redacted studio album back in October I’ve been working on videos for the songs, with the goal of eventually putting them together with introductions and wraparound material from the live show for a complete visual album. In the meantime I thought, ”wouldn’t it be great if there were a place where all the released videos were nicely organized so people could easily enjoy them?”

So I did that! It’s right here! I’ll add to this post as new videos come out. Enjoy!

Beep! Beep! Outta the Way!

Henry Ford, the car guy, was so revered that he offered his opinions on subjects outside of the auto industry. To that end, he bought the Dearborn Independent to disseminate his views, including his hatred of the new popular music “jazz” that the kids were listening and dancing to. And like everything Henry Ford hated, he blamed it on Jewish people.

So, to make fun of him for his dislike of jazz, and to remind everyone what a dick he was about it, I wrote him this jazz song. Enjoy!

Plug Your Ears and Sing!

Stephen Foster was one of America’s first songwriting superstars, and a lot of his songs were written for the minstrel shows of the 1850s, since they were the predominant form of popular entertainment in the 19th Century. We don’t learn much about that history, or the history of racism in the U.S., and with several states enacting laws banning the teaching of divisive concepts, we’re ensuring that the next generation will learn even less.

So that’s what I wrote my Foster-style song about: people being so uncomfortable with history they’d rather it not be taught at all. Some people would prefer you just Plug Your Ears and Sing!

The Ballad of Lou Pearlman

Fraudsters and con artists are as ingrained in U.S. history as robber barons, pioneers, inventors, and innovators. In a country that celebrates outside-the-box thinkers, sometimes people think outside the box of what’s legal. They’re the flipside of baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet (more about Henry Ford soon).

So when it came time to pick an American fraudster to profile in The American Songbook: Redacted (let’s do AS:R from here on out) I had plenty to choose from. Madoff? Boring. Ponzi? Fascinating! But there was one guy who did something with the money he conned that no one else did. He gave us boybands!

Behold, The Ballad of Lou Pearlman!

Corporations Are People Too!

I wanted to make sure there was at least one really peppy, uplifting number in AS:R so I took inspiration from some of the sunshine pop of the 60s and 70s, songs like Age of Aquarius, Up With People, Kids are People Too! Subject-wise I wanted to tackle a concept that has long fascinated and aggravated me: corporate personhood.

With the help of my good friend Dan Pavelich, who did the amazing illustrations and character design, I came up with this bubbly, overly-optimistic tune Corporations Are People Too!

The Invisible Hand

In addition to history I wanted to examine some fundamental myths we have as a culture, and one of the big ones for us is that the free market will create the best of all possible worlds. From Reagan to tech-bro libertarians there is an unquestioned (and unprovable) belief that letting everyone pursue their own self interest will result in an efficient and just distribution of resources.

This concept is summed up in Scottish philosopher Adam Smith’s metaphor of “the invisible hand.” As in: the market will be guided as if by an invisible hand to the best possible outcomes.

To me “the invisible hand” sounds less like a metaphor for capitalism and more like a villainous organization in a James Bond movie, so I decided to write a James Bond-style movie theme on the subject. I’m incredibly proud of the arrangement I did for the song on the album and absolutely blown away by the visuals my friends Peggy & Steve put together for the video.

Cue voiceover by Don LaFontaine: “In a world where events are controlled by an unseeable force, one man… must fight… to make fun of it all…”

The Invisible Hand

The Great Disappointment of 1844

The end of the world, specifically people interpreting the Book of Revelation to try to predict it, is an idea deeply embedded in the American psyche, and I don’t think we truly appreciate how much it informs a lot of people’s worldview. Growing up my dad watched a lot of evangelical Christian shows and read a lot of books like The Late Great Planet Earth, that tied current events to various Bible prophesies.

Everyone who’s ever predicted the end of the world has one thing in common: they’ve all been wrong. Including the time in 1844 when so many people were convinced the world was going to end within the year that when it didn’t it was called The Great Disappointment.

And since “Great Disappointment” makes a great title for an emo song, not to mention that waiting for a Second Coming has the angsty teen vibes of waiting for your parents to pick you up a the movies, I wrote an emo song about it.

The Great Disappointment of 1844

The People That Were Already Here

Another concept that looms large in the American personality is the Frontier Myth, the idea that America is an open land of opportunity where rugged individuals will succeed if they are strong and have the grit. While that’s a lovely idea it completely overlooks the fact that there were tons of people already living in the American west so it wasn’t exactly wide open, available land.

Stories and songs about cowboys and western adventurers were hugely popular in America, from the river towns of the Midwest to the cities back east. So to examine this myth, and to bump it up against the reality of western expansion, I wrote a western song. I even played a lap steel!

The video came out on a bank holiday in mid-October, now known as Indigenous Peoples’ Day, and the background picture is one I actually took down in Marfa, Texas!

Please enjoy The People That Were Already Here

Satanic Panic

In the 80s & 90s there was a moral panic in which accusations of ritual satanic abuse got so out of hand people were convicted of crimes on no evidence and entire communities turned against each other. It got thrown into overdrive by a debunked memoir called Michelle Remembers, and fueled by sensationalist coverage everywhere from Geraldo to 60 minutes.

Soon people were looking for the devil everywhere, including in heavy metal music, which makes heavy metal the perfect genre with which to satirize this ridiculousness.

It’s a subject that needs to be ridiculed because people are still throwing accusations of devils and demons today (I’m looking at you Lauren Boebert,) so I implore you no to forget the  Satanic Panic

Plug Your Ears and Sing!

Plug Your Ears and Sing!

old timey style photo of person plugging their earsDid you know the state song of Florida, “Old Folks at Home,” was written for a minstrel show? That’s not even an April Fool’s joke, that’s the dog’s honest truth!

So for this year’s April 1st festivities, I figured why not try to get Florida to replace their outdated song with the Stephen Foster-style song “Plug Your Ears and Sing!” from my latest show and album? Even better, my song is about being so uncomfortable with the history of racism in the U.S. that people don’t want it to be taught in schools in places like… Florida! (and Virginia, Texas, Arkansas, oh there are too many to mention)

So this year instead of swapping the salt and the sugar, or putting the Rice Krispies in the Cherrios box, let’s lobby the state of Florida to get rid of the song that had people “still longin’ for the old plantation” and replace it with Plug Your Ears and Sing! It perfectly sums up what their government wants teachers to do when the subject of racism comes up so it should be a slam dunk.

You can even use the handy poster at the bottom of this page for your socials!

Either way, enjoy the song and video, I bought a cheap wig and a set of 6 fake mustaches for it!

April-Fools-PYEAS-promo-Poster
© Paravonian